Watchmen - movie

As promised.

First of all, the opening gambit and credit sequence. If you're not sure what you're in for, these two things will lay it down for you, setting both the tone and the approach.

The first scene, likely to be remembered for a loooong time, is pretty much exactly as envisioned in the original comic. It's dark, violent, beautifully shot and often quite shocking. The audience, if the weren't cheering, were gasping or wincing, and I often found myself involuntarily squinting. An awful lot of glass gets broken (but then it looks great), and there's a lot more to say, but I don't really want to spoil it for anyone unfamiliar with the comic (and really, if this describes you, go and read it now, you won't ever regret it) or who hasn't seen it yet - suffice to say, they really, really nailed it.

And then, if that's not enough, Snyder does something with the opening credit sequence which is nothing short of genius.

With so much of the comic consisting of back-story in the format of press cuttings, autobiography excerpts, psych files etc, how do you cover off the basics of this alternate world without being bogged down with exposition? The answer is so simple you wonder how anyone ever bothered not to do it before. Consisting of only a select few images shot in a bullet-time-style shot but very slo-mo, a scene is introduced setting the time and attitude of the period, whilst sketching a history for the audience. These include: Sally Jupiter smiles for some press men on the steps of the court; the Comedian grins whilst chomping a cigar as his prisoner fires his gun; the orginal Minutemen photo being taken; the famous TIME cover of the V-day celebrations is neatly subverted with the Silhouette kissing the nurse as the expected sailor walks by. There's even a witty Last Supper reference. All very jolly. But then we see Mothman being taken by the men in white coats. And this signals the beginning of the mood change. The crime scene pictures being taken of Silhouette and her lover. A quick and scintillating look at Rorchach's home life. Dr Manhattan meeting JFK. I won't spoil the next bit, but it's a cute wink and lays down implications for how this reality and one particular character works. Sally Jupiter argues with her husband/manager as her daughter looks on. Bodies in the street are found with a scrap of paper marked with a strange symbol. We're shown Moscow proudly displaying its nuclear might, as hippies place flowers in guns that promptly go off once the flower is placed. There's Warhol and Truman discussing the costumed heroes at the factory, Dr Manhattan assisting the moon landing, Ozymandius at Studio 54, and Nite Owl setting up the new Minutemen photo. And then we're shown that Nixon has a third term, as riots hot the streets against the Watchmen, and in a huge explosion the movie can begin in earnest. Over the top of this has been a constant set of bold yellow letters which cast their own shadow in the scene they play over, which are meant to be the credits themselves but end up as mere accessories ot the shadow that's been played.

And, of course, what you're seeing isn't all of the story. Yes, for an uninitiated audience member, this is a perfect way to introduce the back story needed to understand what they're about to see. But what's actually happening is a lovingly crafted paean to the rich tapestry of the graphic novel itself, with added in-jokes and neat ideas, some images brought to life from stills in the original, others pure whimsy but which communicate more. It's unbelievably geeky and incredibly cheering all at once, but with the added bonus of being practical with it. No cack-handed exposition crap with a new character to ask the audience's questions - instead, a neat, witty run-through, beautifully and faithfully shot, bringing everyone up to speed with anything majorly outstanding covered off during the movie.

Which neatly leads to the movie. I really don't want to say too much here, but I was very pleased to learn that there were several scenes Snyder didn't want to lose and stood his ground over.

However, this does lead to the problem. Much like 300, it's, and I hate to say it, almost too faithful. That opening scene simply had to sit true, that's understood. But the real sparks of brilliance are those opening credits, where liberties with the structure are taken and we're shown something exhilarating and fresh. And yes, the ending is slightly different, and erases a big structural problem in bringing it to the screen,a nd is perhaps a lot neater then the book. Around those, it's a carbon copy, stunningly executed visually, but just a little soulless. But with all the winces and violence, and I'll get back to this I promise, it is still a darn sight better than a majority of the tosh that gets funded. So, stop for a moment, those of us with true love for the comic, and just allow yourself to think, shuddering as you do, what Hollywood could have done to this. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, anyone?

Performances, then. The very best go to, fortunately for this film, my two favourite characters from the graphic novel.

Dan Dreiberg - Yes, I love Rorschach, but for some reason I always favoured Nite Owl that little bit more. His sense of failure and vulnerability along with sarcasm and intelligence just set the edge over Ol' Crazy Bastard, and I really had no idea who or how they would cast this. Patrick Wilson. Huh? But he's, like, buff. Although very creepy and convincing in Hard Candy. It's a bit left field, but ok. I went along. Dan's a guy who let himself get 'comfortable', being a little more chisled in his youth. I can run with Wilson, I guess. And I genuinely didn't recognise him. In fact, I forgot it was him altogether. Physically, the extra couple of stone helped, but really, I don't think anyone could've done that better. I can't remember if it was during the scene or on the way home, but Mike was very keen to point out that unlike some other cast members, he really was acting. Not in an obvious way, but the conflict on his face in the first sex scene particularly showed it wasn't just a De Niro-style 'weigh my acting chops by how I'll physically change' gambit. He was good. So good, I'm about to rent Little Children and Hard Candy again, just to check his whole acting lark isn't a fluke of one movie.

Rorschach - I'd never heard of Jackie Earle Hayley. I have now. When this was first announced, most internet boards cried 'who he?', and concerns were raised. The crazy fools, no need to worry. In the mask, his movements are careful, monitored, quick. Once disrobed, whilst he moves the same, he is broken, crazy, perfectly deadpan yet witty and everyone is behind him, even more once we hear his story. I can't think of anyone who could have played him better. I'm glad no-one else tried.

Together, their scenes are touching, funny and brilliant, and make you wish for more.

And the rest.

Comedian -

Laurie - Malin Akerman looks stunning. And can do fight scenes. And looks stunning in latex also. Um. See, Laurie's a complicated character in some respects, but not terribly interesting. She's understandably brattish, and I always saw her as a bit of a pricktease, but again, understandable. But whilst Akerman does a great line in looking sultry, that's sort of it. Which is a damn shame as there's more to give, but as she looks the part, I don't suppose anyone will mind much.

Ozymandias - hm. When I heard it was Matthew Goode, I was concerned. I'd seen him in The Lookout, where he was unrecognisable and very good. I'd seen him in other stuff, where he tended to be fragile and earnest. I'm guessing Snyder was hoping to eke out some of the Lookout's brutal and mix it with earnest, but he ended up with a chap who looked as if he's part-timing between his Watchmen and Brideshead Revisted projects. I do not buy this as either the world's most intelligent man, or the greatest physical specimen of peak fitness. Nor do I buy him as the world's most charming bachelor mogul. (Though the audience loved the small gag on the floppy disk file names). No, he's just not strong enough, authoritative enough, charming enough or, frankly, American enough. Physically, you need a young Nick Nolte crossed with Paul Newman, and the authority of, well, Newman again, or possibly Brian Cox. Goode is good in other parts, but simply doesn't have the presence. There aren't many young actors out there capable. I kind of half-wish they'd managed to arrange Patrick Wilson in this role too... I'm now thinking Nathan Fillion on steroids. But this might just be my brain.

Dr Manhattan - First things first. A blue, CGI penis. Somewhere out there is a man, or woman (though let's be honest, it probably had to be a man on this one), in the world who had to calculate the physics for a freewheeling blue penis. As you do. I once had to spend two days dropping mic packs down Fearne Cotton's knickers. There are some strange jobs out there. That aside, it's... odd. Whilst his body moves right, his face, particularly his mouth, don't quite work. I remember messing around with a 3d programme at uni, and if you bent certain corners of the character face, it almost turned inside-out. And that seems to be what his mouth is on the cusp of constantly doing. It's distracting and irritating, and then infuriating following a line from Veidt towards the end of the movie. "Oh, you could, Mr Cleverpants? That's clever, 'coz from here it looked like he'd just had dental work, they'd hit the nerve and caused parasthesia." When he's not shiny and blue, Crudup's very good. But his speech on Mars isn't quite the same and ends up sounding cheesy rather than inspirational, and coming from a mouth about to sue his dental care plan, it doesn't quite sit right.
Going back to the penis, Mike felt compelled to point out it was too heavily weighted at the end and was being knocked around like a pull-cord end. So there, penis physics man.

I'll complete and edit this later. Bedtime.